Are Your Friends the Reason You're Single? Ask PENNY

They say we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. Are those 5 single or unhappily coupled? Hmmm, that may explain a lot. 

Consider another saying: there are no good men out there. We hear it all the time, but it's absolutely false. And buying into it - and worse, REPEATING it - will only serve to keep you sadly single. There's nothing wrong with being single but when you yearn to be with your person - your penguin, if I may - then it's worth questioning whether your beliefs are holding you back. And by relation, your company holding you back as well. 

It's somewhat comforting to call up the girl squad or your buddies and hit the town for drinks. But if you're spending most of your time talking about how men suck, or how women are all the same, maybe it's time to rethink how you spend your energy. Because if you're blowing that energy on badmouthing the other sex (or same sex) as potential mates, that will most definitely have an impact on what you attract. Expecting the worst out of someone is the worst way to start off. 

Hey, you say, it's not my fault. I got cheated on or ghosted. My last date was with a total gold digger. The guy hit up Tinder right after he dropped me off. All of that definitely sucks. I know. I've been there. But the truth is, those people who hurt you are just jerks. It has nothing to do with their gender. And for every cheater or rude diva you deal with, there are hundreds of potential mates that will prove them the exception. Just start with an open heart. I know this because I did this. I was a Debbie Doubter, too.  And all of my doubt didn't come just from experience. It came from fear, especially fear of being alone for the rest of my life. Everyone seemed to be finding love while I was home by midnight on Friday, furiously swiping through profile after profile, feeling like a loser. 

There's this insidious little thing called Schadenfreude - defined as "pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune." I don't like admitting to this but when I was unhappily single - sometimes BITTERLY single - I did get pleasure out of hearing that a perfect couple wasn't so perfect. It made me feel better that I wasn't the only one unhappy with my love life. But I came to discover that my attitude was getting in the way of my happiness. I'm not super woo woo, but I do believe in the Law of Attraction and in my experience, like begets like. Or back then, misery attracted more misery. So I took the opposite tack: I started to appreciate happy couples. If I saw a pair holding hands or kissing tenderly, I smiled. Soon, I actually felt warm and fuzzy when I saw displays of affection. I thought to myself, that's so wonderful. Good for them. And my dating life took a positive turn soon after. 

So take a good look at the company you're keeping. If happy hour is basically a couple of hours spent bashing men or women or rehashing bitter memories or worst of all, GOSSIPING about couples you know, I think we both know what's happening: you're bathing in negativity. Ain't no way you're going to attract a happy, healthy relationship when you're hating on love. 

You're better off taking a chance on hope.